Irina Voronina is a Cat Lady (The Good Kind)

Playboy Playmates — they grow up so fast! And yet, they don’t actually age. It’s been nearly a decade since Irina Voronina graced the gatefold; she’s now an accomplished actress with a recurring role on the HDNet series Svetlanaand her own FunnyorDie.com channel. You may remember her from Reno: 911! Miami, in which she played a hysterical naked Russian beachgoer, or your local convenience store, where she began appearing as the St. Pauli Girl in 2008. What’s next? She’s just finished shooting season two of Svetlana, and she plays “a scary pilates instructor” in the French comedy Hollywoo…, out spring 2011. “I am yet to book my Russian spy part in a big action blockbuster,” she tells us. “Dear fans, please be patient, I am working on it!”

Hometown: Dzerzhninsk (in the Nizhny Novgorod region), Russia. If you Google my home town it may come up as the most polluted city in the world!

Sexiest woman ever: Marilyn Monroe, do I need to explain?

Sexiest man ever: Probably the guy who invented the internet. Why? Because now there are so many sexy pictures of me on the world wide web!

My best trait is: Looking like a blonde, thinking like a brunette.

My worst habit is: Spoiling my kitties!

I wish more men would: Learn where Russia is, so they don’t have to ask me all the time.

The key to my heart is: Knowing where Russia is, for once. Should I say geography?

Compliment me on: My taste

How much should a man groom his private parts?: Just be careful with sharp objects down there!

My grooming down there: I have one word for you: laser.

Favorite style of panties: G-string — or as my grandma used to call it, “dental floss underwear.”

What I like in a bra: Boobs.

Pet name for my boobs: I feel like pet names are for pets. I already have 2 kitties, so if I name my boobs too it might get really confusing!

What I love about my boobs: They are real!

When it comes to my body, please: Handle with care!

When it comes to my body, please do not: Tickle. Agh!

Most important rule or rules of bedroom etiquette: No clothing permitted.

Physical feature I like to show off: My smile!

The sexiest outfit I will wear in public: I can get pretty sexy. I am worried about the public now.

Something I will wear in the bedroom if you are deserving: Chanel No 5.

A superficial thing I am attracted to: Apple Products.

My favorite physical feature on a man: Strong arms!

My favorite trait in a man: Good hearing ability. Oh, and real teeth.

A man will impress me if: He does not try to impress.

A man will disappoint me if: He is a PC. There goes my Microsoft spokesmodel contract.

The simplest thing you can do to make me happy is: Show me an awesome iPhone app!

I will not even give you a second look if: You do not show equal respect for everyone.

Something stupid that men do or say when they first meet me: Please don’t try to speak Russian to me — unless you are fluent.

I will sleep with you when: I want to.

I will never sleep with you if: I don’t want to.

Don’t you dare: Mess with my kitties!

The best date I ever had was: Shooting range and then wild sex!

I am the ideal woman because: I am really not.

I am not the ideal woman because: Here’s what Marilyn Monroe said: “I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes. I am out of control and at times..hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.”

I am the best in the world at: Working the hardest!

I need a man who will: Change a litter box and get Adobe Flash on my iPhone.

In my opinion, astrology is: Right a lot of the time! It is my birthday month, by the way — go Saggitarians!

If you come to my house, don’t criticize: Don’t criticize me ever, or you won’t even make it to my house. Sorry.

The last movie that made me laugh: The Hangover

The last movie that made me cry: The Hangover, again.

My philosophy of love: Love yourself first and everything else will follow

My philosophy of sex: I’m not sure about the philosophy, but scientifically there are only two sexes: Male and female. And they have sex.

My philosophy of life: If your job is your hobby you’ll never have to work a day in your life!

I should be on the cover of Playboy because: It’s been too long! My last US Playboy cover was April 2001. its about time for another one, don’t you think? April 2011 would work for me. What do you say, Mr Hefner?